How falling in love can change the way that you eat and look after yourself - without you even noticing it

In those early days of a relationship, it can feel as though the rest of the world fades away and the spotlight shines firmly on the new person in our life. It’s an exciting time — full of closeness and new experiences. So it’s little wonder that our routines change in ways we barely notice, especially when it comes to how we eat and look after ourselves.

I recently spoke to the BBC Good Food team about this very topic. We explored why falling in love can lead us towards more indulgent meals and subtle shifts in the way we care for ourselves. Love doesn’t just affect how we feel — it also changes how we nourish ourselves. Read the full article here, and read on to hear what I had to say.

Why falling in love can change our eating habits

When we’re falling in love, our brains release a ‘neuro-cocktail’ of hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin. That's how Anne Power describes it in her book Contented Couples. She explains that this cocktail is the same set of feel-good chemicals that support bonding between parents and babies. They help us to feel safe, excited and deeply connected.

And when we are in this state, it’s easy to lose track of our usual habits. We might stay up later, order more takeaways, or spend long evenings cooking or eating together. Food becomes part of the language of love — a way of sharing pleasure and connection. So it makes sense that our routines shift as we figure out a new way of being together.

How attachment and emotional security shape our relationship with food

Food is one of the earliest ways that we experience love, care and comfort. As Linda Cundy explains in Attachment, Relationships and Food, ‘from the start of life, feeding is a relational activity’. As babies, being fed helps us to feel safe and soothed. But for some, food might also have been linked to tension or anxiety — especially if it was offered inconsistently, in stressful situations, or with pressure or conditions attached. It’s not just how we were fed as babies that matters, but also how food featured in family life — mealtimes, celebrations, and the way emotions were expressed around food. All of this shapes our emotional connection with nourishment.

These early experiences help to shape our attachment style — the pattern that influences how we give and receive care throughout life. As adults, food can still carry emotional meaning. We might use it to seek comfort, to feel close to someone, to create control, or to feel looked after. And when we fall in love, our attachment patterns often come to life. The way we eat and share food with a partner can tell us a lot about our emotional world and our sense of security.

The subtle shifts that happen when we move from being single to being part of a couple

Every relationship involves change. Sometimes it’s subtle and gradual. Sometimes it feels like an overnight transformation. But what most relationships have in common is the blurring of boundaries between our individual lives and routines.

We might adjust our mealtimes, sleep patterns or exercise habits. We might spend less time alone or with friends, and adopt our partner’s routines without realising. Sometimes these changes feel natural, bringing a sense of happiness and connection. Other times, they might indicate that we’re prioritising the other person’s needs over our own.

These shifts are part of forming intimacy — of becoming a couple. But it’s important to notice how they make you feel, and whether your self-care still supports your emotional and physical wellbeing.

When changes in your habits feel natural — and when they might need attention

When I spoke to BBC Good Food, the focus of the article was on the idea of ‘relationship weight gain’. It prompted me to think more deeply about how our habits change when we’re in a relationship — and how we might notice the important warning signs.

Of course, it’s natural to relax when we enter a new relationship. That sense of ease can be a sign that we feel secure and happy. It might mean letting go of rigid routines or food rules, and finding new pleasure in shared meals.

But if you notice sudden changes in your eating habits, health or mood, it might be worth pausing to reflect. Sometimes, changes in self-care can reveal underlying emotions — perhaps around reassurance, belonging or self-worth. This isn’t about blame or guilt. It’s about understanding the emotional connections between food, love and identity.

Finding balance without guilt or pressure

Food and love have a lot in common — they can both be deeply nourishing. The healthiest relationships allow space for us as a couple, but also for us as individuals.

When I was asked to share my advice for people in a new relationship, this was my response: Enjoy the comfort of being close to someone new, but remember to come up for air. Stay connected with friends and family. Keep the activities and routines that make you feel like you. Think about what helps you feel grounded, healthy and whole. That balance isn’t selfish — it’s what allows us to build secure, lasting connections with others.

If you’ve noticed that relationships affect how you eat, relax or care for yourself, therapy can help you explore why.

Together, we can uncover your attachment patterns, understand your emotional needs, and help you build a stronger, more balanced relationship with yourself and others.

Book a free chat to discover how counselling can help.