How to spot red flags in your relationship

I spend a lot of time talking and thinking about our 'gut' feelings. Those spidey senses that things aren't quite right in our lives or our relationships. And when we think about 'red flags', we imagine that they might be obvious. Waving brightly in the wind, ready for us to stand up and pay attention. But that's not always the case. In some instances, it can take a while for subtle changes to become more entrenched red flags. And by then, we might be too emotionally invested to feel like we can step away. In other instances, especially if we struggle with our self-esteem, we might notice red flags but we might not feel that we deserve to respond to them. Especially if we are used to putting our partner's needs before our own. I spoke to Yahoo News all about relationship red flags. Click here to read the full article, and read on to learn what I had to say.

Signs of red flags to watch out for in your relationship:

A desire for control.  Controlling behaviour comes in many forms.  It can be physical or emotional, or it might target a certain area, like finances.  The question to ask yourself is whether you still feel like you have freedom within the boundaries of your relationship.  Whether you still have a certain amount of privacy and liberty.  If not, then you might be falling foul of your partner’s desire to control you, and your actions.  

Jealousy.  It might feel like flattery if your partner shows a jealous streak, perhaps if you are chatting to someone who they might see as a threat.  Especially if you are prone to low self-esteem.  However, in the longer term, jealousy can be unhealthy.  It can lead to anger or mistrust.  

There’s another type of jealousy that can be equally damaging, and that’s when our partner is jealous of our own success.  We hope that they will be rooting for us, and be ready to celebrate any successes.  However, this isn’t always the case.  

Lack of emotional support.  There are key differences between being someone’s colleague or friend, or being in a relationship with them.  And one of the main ones is the level of emotional support that we hope to receive from your partner.  If you’re feeling down, or anxious, ask yourself how your partner responds.  Are they attuned to what you need?

Isolating you from your friends.  When we are in a new relationship, it’s common to cocoon ourselves with our new partner. But as time goes by, we would expect to continue to nurture our friendships.  So if your partner starts to isolate you from your friends, perhaps being unkind about them, or suggesting that you spend less time with them, then it’s worth assessing what’s going on.  

Rude behaviour.  Your partner may well treat you with kindness and respect.  But it’s always worth considering how they treat others.  Not just friends and family, but other people who play a role in every day life.  Tradespeople, customer service staff, the waiting staff in a restaurant.  Rudeness in these situations can present a red flag.  

Keen to explore more? In counselling, we can take a deeper look at how you feel about yourself and your relationships. Click here to contact me, or click here to book a 30-minute introductory call.