Guest Blog: From People Pleasing to Marmite: How I Stopped Needing Everyone to Like Me, by Becky Stone
- Becky Stone
- May 27
- 3 min read
I used to be the definition of a people pleaser.
The yes-girl. The one who replied fast, turned up early, and made sure everyone else was okay, even when I wasn’t.
But underneath all that niceness?
There was fear. Shame. Exhaustion.
And eventually… disordered eating.
Let’s Be Honest: People Pleasing Isn’t About Kindness
It’s about safety.
If you’re someone who grew up walking on eggshells, guessing what people needed before they said it, then you know.
People pleasing becomes a survival strategy.
Because if you keep everyone happy, you may not be rejected.
But here’s the cost:
You end up abandoning yourself every single time.
The Eating Disorder Gave Me Something I Couldn’t Get Elsewhere
Control.
Comfort.
A silent scream of “I need something too.”
When people stopped noticing me, when I felt unseen or unimportant, I turned to my eating disorder. It was mine. It responded. It punished. It soothed.
It gave me attention when I didn’t know how to ask for it from anyone else.

And Then There’s ADHD… and RSD
I now know I have ADHD.
And with it comes Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), that intense, overwhelming reaction to perceived rejection or criticism.
It’s not just “feeling a bit sad.”
It’s shame that punches you in the gut. It’s spiralling self-worth. It’s been overthinking for days about a message that never came.
If you’re a people pleaser with RSD, it can feel impossible to step away.
Because the moment someone pulls back, it confirms all your fears:
➔ “I’m too much.”
➔ “They’re mad at me.”
➔ “I’ve ruined it.”
But Healing Means Becoming Marmite
Yep. Marmite.
You either like me or you don’t.
And it’s not my job to twist myself into something I’m not just to be more palatable.
I used to think I had to be everything for everyone.
Now? I’ve learned that not being liked is survivable.
What’s not survivable is abandoning myself every day just to keep the peace.
Let Them Go. Literally.
One thing that changed my life is Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory.
Let them think what they think.
Let them walk away.
Let them talk.
Let them.
Because the only thing I can truly control is how I show up and how I protect my peace.
The Problem With People Pleasing Is… It Makes You a Magnet for Drains
You know those people? The ones who take, take, take?
I call them drains.
They leave you feeling empty, guilty, and depleted.
What you want to be around are radiators, people who warm you up, energise you, lift you.
When you’re deep in people pleasing, you confuse being needed with being loved.
You cling to unhealthy dynamics, hoping your over-giving will earn you a seat at the table.
But the cost?
Is your body. Your boundaries. Your freedom.
The Eating Disorder Becomes a Way to Keep People Close
Here’s something hard to admit:
My eating disorder wasn’t just about food.
It was a way to say, “Don’t leave.”
It made me fragile enough that people stayed, but also trapped me in shame, secrecy, and manipulation.
It conflicted with who I wanted to be… but felt like the only way to feel safe.
And that’s why therapy is vital.
Because the deeper wounds, abandonment, rejection, the wounded child who still aches, need to be seen. Gently. Honestly. With compassion.
5 Tools That Helped Me Let Go
Let Them Theory – Save your energy for things you can control.
Daily Courage List – Do one thing a day that makes you a little braver.
Marmite Reminder – You’re not for everyone. That’s a good thing.
Radiators vs Drains List – Who gives? Who takes? Adjust accordingly.
“Not my monkey, not my circus” mantra – Let it go if it’s not yours to fix.
Final Words from Someone Who’s Been There
People pleasing nearly broke me.
It stole my energy, hijacked my identity, and fed a disorder that wanted me small, scared, and starving.
Now, I live by different rules.
Rules where I come first.
Where being Marmite is a badge of honour.
Where my recovery is more important than being understood.
You don’t have to be liked to be worthy.
You have to be you.
About Me
I’m Becky Stone, a therapist who gets it, because I’ve lived it.
I support women, teens, and neurodivergent adults recovering from eating disorders, anxiety, people pleasing, and perfectionism.
I blend lived experience with trauma-informed training, and I believe healing starts when we stop trying to earn our worth.

コメント