What is attachment-based therapy?

Starting therapy is a big decision. Some people arrive with a clear issue they want to talk about. Others feel anxious, overwhelmed or a bit lost, and simply know they want life to feel easier than it does right now. And there are a huge number of therapists out there, practising different types of therapy. I'm an attachment-based therapist, and I love what I do. I'm often asked what it actually means to be 'attachment-based', so I thought I'd put together an overview. You can download the full guide here - or continue reading for a shorter summary.

There is a caveat to all this - which is that every therapist weaves their work together in different ways. So I should really say, that this is how I personally would describe attachment-therapy, as it relates to the work that I do.

What is attachment-based therapy?

Therapy is a space to talk things through, understand what’s going on underneath, and begin to feel better. It can help you make sense of your emotions and relationships, reduce overwhelm, and build confidence and resilience.

Attachment-based therapy focuses on the idea that our early experiences shape how we relate to those around us. We all develop ways of coping and connecting that helped us feel safe when we were growing up. But as we move into adulthood, many of us find that these old coping strategies - people-pleasing, perfectionism, anxiety, hiding away, clinging to others, and so on - don't serve us any more.

Together, we explore:

• what feels familiar

• what feels difficult

• what your story has taught you to do to feel safe

It’s not about re-living everything that has happened, or blaming other people. It's about understanding why you feel the way you do today.

Why might you choose this approach?

People often come to me for support with:

• anxiety and overthinking

• relationship difficulties or repeating patterns

• low self-esteem or a harsh inner critic

• people-pleasing or difficulty setting boundaries

• grief or life transitions

• overwhelm, burnout or feeling stuck

• a sense of numbness or disconnection from yourself or others

You might know exactly what you want to work on. Or you might simply have a feeling that things could be easier.

What happens in our first session?

Before we meet, I’ll send you an agreement that explains how we’ll work together. You’re welcome to read it in advance, or we can look at it together.

In our first session, we start gently. We talk about what has brought you to therapy, how life feels at the moment, and what you hope will change. We'll explore elements of your past and your upbringing - at a pace that feels comfortable to you. There’s no pressure to share everything at once.

What therapy looks like week to week

We will always have your goals in mind. Some weeks you’ll have something specific you want to explore. Other weeks we simply begin with whatever is present for you.

In sessions, we might:

• notice and explore your relationship patterns

• be curious about your internal dialogue and emotional world

• reflect on earlier experiences

• create space to say things you can’t say elsewhere

• grieve losses, including unmet needs

• build awareness of how emotions show up in your body

• develop boundaries, self compassion and new coping strategies

• understand what triggers you and why

You don’t need to prepare. You don't need to 'get it right'. We take it step by step.

Why our relationship matters

It's so important that you choose a therapist who makes you feel safe, secure and heard. In attachment-based therapy, the relationship between us forms part of the work. You’re not doing this alone. We’re in it together.

Therapy offers a consistent space where you can feel heard, understood and taken seriously - without judgement. As this builds, patterns that once felt automatic can soften. You might:

• respond differently to stress

• express needs more confidently

• set boundaries with less guilt

• speak to yourself more kindly

Change often begins when you feel safe enough to be yourself.

What might change over time?

Therapy isn’t about overnight transformation. But small shifts can lead to big changes. You might notice you:

• feel less anxious or overwhelmed

• react less automatically and with more choice

• feel more grounded and confident

• strengthen boundaries and self trust

• feel more connected to yourself and others

Therapy is not about becoming someone new. It's about becoming a more authentic version of yourself.

I offer online therapy for adults and couples across the UK, supporting people through anxiety, relationship difficulties, loss and life transitions. If you’d like to explore whether therapy might help, you’re welcome to book a free introductory call.