What causes social anxiety — and how to cope

Social anxiety isn’t just 'feeling a bit shy'. It’s a set of fears and worries that can leave you feeling anxious when you’re socialising — or even just thinking about socialising. Social anxiety can show up in many different ways. It might stop you from leaving the house. Or you might go about your everyday life appearing totally calm and collected. While feeling overwhelmed by anxiety on the inside.

I recently chatted to Yahoo all about social anxiety for this article, and wanted to share some thoughts here too.

What causes social anxiety?

There are many possible causes, including:

A strong inner critic

You might have a harsh inner voice telling you you’re not good enough, which gets louder when you think about seeing other people. If this is the case, then this inner critic might be tied in with low self-esteem, or a fear of rejection.

Sensory overload

You might feel overwhelmed by sensory overload in busy or noisy places.

The legacy of Covid lockdowns

For many, the lasting impact of lockdowns has made the world feel less safe than it once did. And those memories have lingered, even now that the lockdowns have lifted.

Past experiences

Past traumatic or frightening experiences can also make social situations feel threatening.

General sense of pressure, anxiety or overwhelm

If we are already feeling stressed, or anxious - then social anxiety can sit as a layer on top of all the other feelings bubbling under the surface.

How to cope with social anxiety

If social anxiety sounds familiar, there are ways to cope.

Distraction

Distraction can help by keeping your mind or hands busy and lowering your emotional threat level.

Building safety

Building a sense of safety is important too. You could consider carrying something comforting with you - something that we sometimes refer to as a 'transitional object'. You could plan a call to someone you trust if you need to chat to a familiar voice.

The calm before the storm

Practising calming techniques before anxiety strikes is also useful. I often recommend ‘five-finger breathing’ — a simple grounding exercise that can help you stay calm in the moment.

Catching the catastrophe

Take the time to get to know the fears that lie beneath your anxiety. Challenge yourself to explore what you're really afraid of.

Understanding your triggers

And knowing your personal triggers — whether it’s caffeine, alcohol, doomscrolling, or even certain people — means you can proactively avoid them and feel more in control.

Social anxiety is complex and unique to each person. If you’d like to explore what’s behind your anxiety and develop personalised tools to manage it, therapy can offer a safe space to do that. You don’t have to face this alone.

If you want to talk about your social anxiety and how I can support you, book a free introductory chat here.