You can't pour from an empty cup. But what if looking after yourself doesn't always feel that simple?

'You can’t pour from an empty cup'. It’s one of those phrases many of us know well. A reminder that we need to look after ourselves too. That we need to put on our own oxygen mask before we can care for everyone else around us.

And that is absolutely true. But sometimes I think that phrases like this can miss a really important point. Most of us know what we need. How we might spend a day if we could really rest and recover and restore ourselves. The part that's often missing, that often gets in the way, is the way that the demands of everyday life often mean that our own needs fall to the bottom of the list.

And if you think about it, there are a few important reasons why this happens. Firstly, we are all undeniably busier than ever. Trying to do more with less. Wishing that there were extra hours in the day. Knowing that other people depend on us.

And then there's the way that the boundaries have become blurred between our work lives and our free time. There's always something that can be done at the touch of a button. Replying to an email. Carrying out a task. Working through our to-do list. And that leaves us with a constant sense that we 'should' be doing something. Something that doesn't involve resting.

And then there's also the fact that often the things that bring us joy, inspiration and a sense of fulfillment, are also the things that get in the way of rest. We love seeing our friends so we stay up late. We feel inspired by a new project at work, so we end up focusing on it seven days a week.

And beneath all this, there's another factor too. Somewhere along the way, many of us have decided - subconsciously - that we don't deserve to rest. To switch off. To refill our cup, in whatever form that takes. We might not realise it, but we've slipped off the to do list. And that's often because of messages that we have internalised along the way. It might be that we are undeserving or unimportant or struggling with our self-esteem. It might be that resting or switching off is a sign of weakness. It might be that we don't feel that we can advocate for our needs. It might be that we are so used to suppressing our own needs that we don't even notice them any more.

If any of this resonates with you, you're not alone. And it shouldn't become yet another thing to criticise ourselves for. It's just a reminder that our core human needs to rest and restore don't go away. But if we don't address them, they make themselves known in other ways. We might feel anxious or low or overwhelmed or frustrated or angry or burnt out. So if we are struggling to find the opportunity to 'fill our cup', that's why it's so important to really figure out what's getting in the way.

If you'd like to explore this more deeply in therapy, click here to book a free introductory chat.